


Ugly When I Cry

by vodka_and_some_sass



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Domestic Fluff, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Mental Health Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-23
Updated: 2020-05-23
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:54:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,269
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24339223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vodka_and_some_sass/pseuds/vodka_and_some_sass
Summary: Loki has never seen you cry, and he realises that it’s because you are afraid of what he might think of you if he did.
Relationships: Loki (Marvel)/Reader
Comments: 2
Kudos: 67





	Ugly When I Cry

Loki could not shake the wave of anxiety that washed over him as you gave him a sweet smile and excused yourself to take your mother’s call. He knew the drill. You would lock yourself into the bedroom for the call, and you wouldn’t come back out until nearly half an hour after your muted voice had ceased speaking. And as the lock clicked, he realised why it was. He had never seen you cry. 

It was no secret that your family had been falling apart and you had turned into everyone’s safety net for when they needed to vent or wanted advice. And it was evidently not a mutual sentiment. Your brother called you only to ask for money, your parents forgot your birthday every year and the annual gift card you received at Christmas was for a store you had never stepped foot into. It was enough to make Loki occasionally thank the Norns for Frigga’s love that he had received and even Odin’s, though begrudgingly. 

But what bothered Loki was that he had *never* seen you cry. Not after some of your biggest arguments with him, not when Callista had stitched the stab wound under your collarbone without putting you under anaesthesia, not even when Tony had lost his temper with you and had thrown your family’s behaviour in your face in front of the whole team. And so Loki made a decision, one that he hoped would be good for you, and not bad for your relationship. 

He waited, and when your muted voice stopped drifting through the locked door, he knocked gently. 

“I’ll be out in a bit, love.” He didn’t miss the slight quiver in your voice. 

“Please let me in.” His own voice was soft and his word carried the weight of multiple meanings, a significant plea. 

He heard you shuffle on the other side of the door and he waited expectantly for the door knob to turn. Instead, he heard a soft thump. 

“I can’t.” Your voice was closer, just on the other side of the door, coming from below. 

Loki sat down, leaning his back against the wood. “Why?”

“I just-” He heard what could only be called a choked out sob and his heart cracked in his chest, his arms aching to hold you. “I’m ugly when I cry.” 

Loki’s heart ached and he turned, his side pressed against the door as he leaned his forehead against the dark wood. “Darling, let me in.” The plea was no longer underlying or subtle, instead it dripped from his words. 

And it was the same with the fear and pain when you replied, “I’m not weak, I promise.”

He was about to reply when he heard the door creak open just the slightest bit. He rose, pushing it gently and slowly, not wanting to hurt you if you were still leaning against it. You were sitting with your knees up, your head between them, resting on your arms. Your body shook with the effort of holding back your sobs and Loki’s eyes welled with his own tears. He sat down beside you, wrapping his arms around you. 

Your composure broke when you felt Loki’s strength in his embrace. You turned your face into his chest, sobbing as your hands came up and fisted in his shirt. He pulled you into his lap, rocking you gently and cooing into your ears, pausing occasionally only to kiss the top of your head. Your sobs turned to hiccoughs and then subsided. Loki’s fingers ran through your hair as he brought his head down beside yours, nuzzling his nose into your temple.

“Look at me, my love.” His words were less than a whisper but you heard, and you shook your head. You tried to pull away and hide your face in your hands, but Loki’s warm palms wrapped around your wrists. He didn’t apply any force, simply holding them, not saying anything. After a few long moments, you sighed and caved, letting your arms fall to your lap, your head still lowered. 

Warm hands cupped your cheeks, lifting your head to meet your bloodshot eyes. He wiped away the last of your tears before placing two gentle kisses under your eyes. “You are not ugly, nor are you weak. The way you continue to love your family, to be there for them whenever they need you, to support them, emotionally and financially, that requires strength and you display it in the most magnificent of ways, with grace and dignity and love, even though they are undeserving of it.” 

You closed your eyes, more tears beginning to slip through at his kindness. His thumbs swiped them away before you could raise your hands to wipe them yourself. You sniffled, your words slightly hoarse as you replied, “That still doesn’t stop me from being ugly when I cry. I just did not want you to see me like this.”

Loki couldn’t help but give you a soft smile. There was a reason that when you weren’t around, the team fondly called you Loki’s lioness. Not only were you one of the best assassins on the planet, you were fiercely confident, someone that made people think twice before messing with. But in all his time of loving you, Loki had learned that there was a tender and fragile heart under that shell, one that he had silently sworn to protect with his life, one that he knew you showed only to him. But you had never let him see it when you were hurting. And he knew that though this was a moment where you were hurting, it would be a moment he would cherish, a new step in your relationship. 

“You are not ugly. You are human. And that humanity shines in the silver tear tracks on your cheeks, in your red nose and your watery eyes. My darling, you are far from ugly. And I’d love you even if you had pus filled warts all over your face, or toes on your hands instead of fingers.” Loki felt warmth spread through him at your chuckle, an almost irrational sense of pride at being able to make you smile. “Crying is natural. Norns, I’d expect you to do it a lot more with what you have to deal with. And if you have been hiding yourself from me in your time of turmoil because you think you’re ugly when you can cry, you can stop.” 

You felt like a bag of bricks had been lifted off your shoulders at Loki’s words. You avoided looking at the mirror, sliding next to him and giving him a hug, burying your face in his neck and holding him tight. “Thank you.” It was just two words, but he could hear the depth of emotion behind it. 

“Thank you, little dove. For letting me in. You never have to deal with your pain alone. Not as long as I live.” He pressed a kiss to your temple, lifting you gently and carrying you to the bed, rubbing soothing circles on your back as you remained tucked under his chin. “Rest now, I’ll be here when you wake up.” 

And for the first time in years, you fell asleep after a call from your family without worrying about the tightness around your lips or the swollen bags under your eyes. For the first time after a call from your family, you fell asleep feeling loved and cherished, and you sent a silent thanks to whatever gods ran the universe for the love of the man who held you as you slept. 


End file.
